eye-watering weather

So Yankeeland is pretty much on lockdown - the kind that comes after people have endured months of winter weather and are still facing a few months more. Haven't had time to write much here. I remember back when I started the PhD, I once argued in a seminar that people should keep taking classes throughout the program in order to stay connected to the community. I now understand why that is unfeasible. After almost 2 years of coursework, I can honestly say that keeping up this pace would surely kill even the most dedicated pursuer of knowledge and crusader for social justice and democracy. At the same time, I will definitely sorely miss the seminar experience when my coursework is over and even the Keith Gilyard seminar room.

It's week 4 and things are humming along as usual. I've incorporated exercise back into my schedule, and couldn't be happier about it. It's easy to lose sight of the need to maintain balance in grad school, and I guess this is true for anyone as we struggle to live fulfilling lives in the highly structured, time crunched, technological milieu of our times. Making it a priority to reconnect with my body and my spirit has helped to re-energize my dedication to my work, and for that I am profoundly grateful.

I think that the service role into which rhetoric and composition has historically been cast combined with the subordinate role that women's needs have traditionally been assigned created something of a double whammy for me as I tried to negotiate this new, higher-stakes program alongside the continual maintenance of domestic harmony. Some might view the events of the past six months as a breakdown in my ability to successfully balance the demands of the workplace and home life, and perhaps this holds some sway. It's no secret that many relationships have met their demise at the hands of advanced degree programs. Though I haven't personally researched the phenomenon, my sense from talking with folks who are familiar with such studies is that troubles happen more frequently when a female partner is enmeshed in the grad school life (or a similarly all-consuming career path).

It's never comfortable to perceive yourself as just another statistic, the byproduct of an unfortunate combination of circumstances, identity markers, and capitalistic enterprise - particularly because Americans are ideologically inclined to prize individual effort, self-control; and to value the idea of fighting their way to the top.

But making progress never is comfortable. Like I say to my students, "growing hurts." But when you don't grow, you die.